Trinity Dawn Kingfisher looks on as another panelist speaks at the Ignite the Life rally. Photo by Chelsea Laskowski.
In the four months since the suicides of six girls in northern Saskatchewan made national headlines, leaders across the province have used the message “you are loved” and “you are not alone” in pleading with Indigenous youths to speak up about suicidal thoughts.
For people like Jillian Ananas, a 15-year-old from Beardy’s and Okemasis, it’s been tough to take that message to heart.
While has a happy life with a “wonderful family” who asks her how she’s doing on a regular basis, Ananas said until now she has been hiding her daily social struggles at school: of feeling judged and being made fun of.
“I’m the type of person that likes helping other people too, that likes asking them what’s wrong or how can I help but I’m not the person who likes to get the help,” she said.
With her mom in particular, “I hate when she worries too much so I tell her I’m fine, and then when I go to my room I feel like I’m not fine and that I should have told her.”
Ananas wasn’t comfortable voicing her pain until this week at the Ignite the Life Suicide Prevention Rally in Saskatoon. In a moment of strength, she took to the mic during a question and answer period with a three-person panel of attempted suicide survivors who shared their stories of recovery.
“You guys really inspired me to talk to someone,” Ananas told them.
Ananas was one of two girls that day who admitted – for the first time, in front of more than 600 people – that she needed help.
In a tear-inducing interview afterwards, Ananas spoke further about how the panelists’ stories about their suicide attempts made her feel.
“I’m scared that that might happen to me if I don’t tell anyone soon enough,” she said.
Jillian Ananas. Photo courtesy Facebook.
However, she pointed out that her family’s love has kept her from following through on suicidal thoughts. Ananas has vowed to speak to her family when she returns home after the two-day rally.
Discussions at the rally also revealed that many families and youth workers are struggling to bridge the age gap to help suicidal youths.
“I have almost no idea how to approach the subject with them when they do come to talk to me,” said a Child and Family Services worker from Southend.
The panelists, including Sturgeon Lake band member Trina Dawn Kingfisher, urge community members to not only be there, but to carefully listen to youths who are willing to speak to them about the problems that are leading them to suicidal thoughts.
“Children see things in a whole different perspective than we do. We might minimize their experiences and say ‘oh no, it wasn’t that bad,’ but to them it was horrible, it was horrific,” Kingfisher said in an interview afterwards.
“I have to honour their truth, I need to honour and respect what they’re telling me, I have to honour and respect their anger.”
Kingfisher said she grew up with a three-point rule: don’t think, don’t feel, and don’t talk.
“This gathering as a whole is very powerful to start breaking that cycle of silence and get the youth speaking out. And we’re seeing that happen today,” she said.
The openness extended beyond the youth, with people like FSIN Chief Bobby Cameron choking up at the mic as he recounted his family’s struggles with poverty in North Battleford, which were made more bleak by his father’s month-long disappearances while he went on drinking binges.
Cameron, too, spoke openly about a suicide attempt he made at the age of 16 after a breakup.
An Elder was set to say a prayer before lunch on Thursday, but took time to talk about how her grandson had recently come to her saying he was suicidal. Master of Ceremony Cal Arcand’s eyes welled up as the Elder talked about how hard it is to deal with.
Organize Treena Wynes said the event has exceeded her expectations.
“I knew it was going to create an energy of people talking but I thought more so talking amongst their groups but never thought it was going to be where we’re sharing with everybody. That’s just amazing,” she said.
Wynes said the overwhelming demand for this rally, which forced them to turn away hundreds of people, has her thinking about planning for another one in the future.